janemba:

cucumbers got that taste where you taste it and you go “hmm is that shit some cucumber?” and you always right. that shit always some cucumber

(via oreovibes)

23,841 notes

metalliccolouredtitan:

*deep breath*

THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG WITH THE GENERAL MALE MENTALITY WHEN I, AS A MALE WITH MANY FEMALE FRIENDS, HAVE TO FREQUENTLY PRETEND TO BE MY FRIENDS’ BOYFRIEND SIMPLY SO OTHER DUDES WON’T BE CREEPY AND FUCKING GROPE THEM

THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG WITH THE GENERAL MALE MENTALITY WHEN THEY RESPECT COMPETITION MORE THAN THE ACTUAL PERSON THEY’RE TRYING TO GET WITH

(via hellaharreh)

239,181 notes

scott-pilgrimage:

whosromeo:

i think it’s cute when someone admits they have a crush on you

i think it’s a fucking miracle 

(via feloniall)

886,108 notes

pixyled:

and-down-we-go:

My Mom just accidentally prematurely sent an email to an accounting firm… It was supposed to say ‘I am afraid that we will have to postpone our meeting”

but she hit send when all it said was

Hi Jeffrey,
      I am afraid

THIS POS T GETS ME EVEYRTIME

(via nouis-narry)

731,412 notes

6539milesofloveapart:

abomasnow:

girls are amazing i just watched my friend change 8 times before picking an outfit you girls are so dedicated to looking good i can’t believe there are men out there sitting in their cum stained sweatpants trying to tell you what you’re allowed to wear

thank you

(via zaynsbro)

591,204 notes

whimsicdoctor13:

algrenion:

chel-the-fabulous-asstec:

lalondes:

kevinprices:

lalondes:

if you sold all your eggs you would make $3.2 billion

your uterus is worth $3.2 billion

#and a nutsack is worth like $25 and half a pb&j

I JUST REALIZED THAT THIS MEANS EVERY TIME YOU HAVE A PERIOD YOU LOSE $8,000???????????? TERRIBLE

Maybe that’s why we get so emotional

#this is it #we cracked it #the secret of periods

did you just make an egg pun

(Source: scenicroutes, via seductivellamas1d)

669,617 notes